Monday, December 18, 2017

Life changes to accept and embrace


rappelling down a cliff,
it just "looks" dangerous
There was a time when I could do anything I wanted. Young, physically fit, fearless and adventuresome, I would welcome any challenge in nature, embraced a little recklessness and came out of it all unscathed.
I rappelled down cliffs, swam across the Colorado, kayaked rivers, slept under the stars in the forest and in the desert, hiked up and down rocky washes in the moonlight, rode my bike for tens of miles in the desert heat... I climbed every mountain and hiked until my legs gave up...with a pack and a dog on my shoulders.


Just four weeks ago I hiked about 3 miles with the pibble at 8000 feet and split wood when I returned, worked on the cabin a bit and enjoyed a meal in the pines. This last Saturday I finally was able to breathe well enough to drive to the cabin, built a fire, collected a bit of kindling and thought about whittling wood...splitting wood to whittling wood, what a hoot!
a nice fire to warm up

the indispensable chestnut roaster

I managed to pick up a load of kindling
This past summer I built the last tiny corner support wall for the cabin, dug a 3-foot trench, poured about 16 bags of concrete (mixed by hand in a wheelbarrow), stacked some 40 cinder blocks and filled them with more concrete. I remember thinking then I better start acting my age because I did get a bit more tired and a bit more sore than the previous year.

But today is today and I have a busy and easy day. Ignore the pain in my ribs and spine, pack up and mail the last of the sales from my shop, go deliver some Spanish treats to my aunt and uncle, shop a little for Christmas dinner. I will take a big rest in between every task, maybe a nap in the middle of my day, but I will keep living my new life.

This is the last day before I see the Oncologist for the first time. I have questions about diagnosis, prognosis and treatment options that I desperately need answered. My head is spinning at times from reading test results and looking up information; I try to relax and keep on. Today is a distraction day before the most important day in my near future.
And although I don't want to think about that too much right now, I also have questions like: "will I live or die?", "how long do I have?", "is IT treatable?"
Yeah, that's serious sh**!

No doubt, my life has changed...just like that...

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