Monday, January 8, 2018

Whaaaa?? I flunked another test?!

Wow, and I've always loved pets...

Can I say I was always a magnificent test taker? When I first came to this country from Spain in 1974 I quickly became a great test taker. I was out of those horrid special English classes in a matter of weeks and graduated High School with honors at seventeen. Later at the University I prepared and read every assignment, extra suggested books, whatever I could do to ace every test. I did so well in intermediate tests and assignments I was able to skip final exams. Someone called me an intellectual "monster" once, the biggest pride of my scholastic life.

And pets! Oh how I've always loved pets, even when I couldn't afford it I had a dog, rescued feral cats, saved every critter that crossed my path, comforted those that couldn't be saved...
Well, darnit I don't like tests anymore and I definitely don't like PETs! humph...except all of mine...and other people's...
Mocha and Latte, plucked from our yard
they are old now!

Kona bean, found under a (landscape) rock

Mango, abused, just came to us few years back

Alegria, found in the desert 2015
discarded with broken leg


Apparently you can just "prepare" for a PET scan and "wishing and willing" can't alter the truth that lies inside. Really trying not to self-diagnose until I talk to my oncologist but the truth-sayer PET scan showed that I'm in a bit of trouble. Aside from the ill defined cancerous mass on my breast, I appear to have a bad lymph node right next to it, a really really bad lymph node somewhere deep in my chest and (and I quote) "extensive widespread metastasis" to nearly all my bones including my "calvarium" (aka skull, I learned a new word!).
Good news is all my organs seem to be clean of disease and functioning perfectly and I have zero pain, perhaps a slight discomfort around an area in my ribs that didn't "light up" the PET? Everyone asks me if I have pain and I have to say: "NO! This stupid cancer lizard-dragon-snake is eating me slowly and I have no pain, no rattles, no symptoms other than being tired all the time."
Seems to me if something is going to kill you it should at least cause you pain. Not that I want pain, but it would have been nice about six months ago to get some type of a warning. Perhaps a little dragon-lizard head poking out of my bra? How about some shortness of breath while hiking at 8000 feet? A lump? Can I have a lump? Nah...coward!

After the pesky PET...

Two more tests last Thursday and I eagerly await results from my CT brain scan and a bone-density scan I could care less about.
Still walking every day, riding my indoor bike, taking the dog to the park, eating magnificently, generally in good spirits, reading and learning a ton about this disease. Anxious now, just anxious all the time to begin some treatment. I can't fight this thing on my own, for the first time in my life, I realize I can't self-heal. I'm pissed today.

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