Thursday, May 2, 2019

Well it's confirmed, the snake retreats!

Yay!

A butterfly, why not? I'm in a nature mood
My onco confirmed my PET's results! I even got a high five...low five, really but that's awesome in the big scheme of things. Seems the meds are working and the snake is finally finally finally retreating at a visible pace.
As you recall I posted my PET results last blog post and only awaited the doc's visit to be happier than happy. Well, I'm happy!!!
My next bloodletting and visit in two months, seems like a vacation.

Reminiscing

In the very beginning I saw docs and techs at a frenzied pace (see this blog post: http://www.jumpovertherattlesnake.com/2018/01/major-developments-frenetic-days.html.

The first three months of this surreal adventure were a sequence of visits to places I never thought I would see in my life, like the inside of an MRI. Here is an excerpt from my 2017/2018 calendar in reverse order... "those days:"

Jan 25 Lab blood test
Jan 22 Medication approved
 by insurance co
Jan 18 Lab blood test
Jan 16 Liver biopsy
Jan 12 Blood test
Jan 11 Oncologist
 Start therapy
 CYCLE 1:
 Ibrance 125/Letrozole
 Lab blood test
Jan 9 Breast surgeon
Jan 5 Bone dexa scan
 Brain CT scan
Jan 2 PET/CT whole body
2018
Dec 22 Oncologist
 Diagnosed
Dec 20 Breast/lymph node
 biopsy
Dec 19 Oncologist
Dec 13 CT scan
 abdomen/pelvis
Dec 11 Breast ultrasound
Dec 6 OBGYN pap
Dec 5 MRI lumbar spine
Dec 2 MRI thoraxic spine
 MRI chest

Nov 30 Mammogram
Nov 29 My birthday
Nov 28 Lab blood work
Nov 27 First doc appt
 chest X-ray
 chest CT
2017

Wow, I can't even remember what that felt like, day after day, all bad news making the surreal totally real and absolutely terrifying. After those 3 months, weekly visits to the lab for blood work and monthly visits, sometimes twice a month with the doc.

And now...

Two months! Every two months I get blood work and visit with doc. Wow, wow, I feel free again. Oh yeah, high cholesterol still, who cares. Still on the ketogenic diet, down to 136 lbs, next month I find out if the cholesterol thing gets "fixed" with this diet or if I have to go on statins (as insisted twice now by my worried onco).

I am a bit at a loss on what to do next. I was explaining to my hubby how the mind goes from resigned and calm acceptance "I am going to die but it's okay because I have had a great life" to a battle cry "this thing won't take me! I refuse destiny!" to a more realistic "maybe I will be one of the lucky ones..."
Roller coaster for 16 months, just like that, every day, up and down. And NOW I finally come closer to understanding the "battle." It's an inside thing, a mind thing, a fear thing, a very emotional and very real battle. During the first year, I just kept my head down and obediently went to my weekly blood-letting, to the docs, to the imaging labs as if in a tunnel with a tiny light at the end. Now the tunnel opens up and my world is vast again, limitless again.
My latest hike, spring in the desert!


Right now I am a bit lost, the battle is still ongoing but in the background, way back there. The future looks bright. Nothing is over, yet my body is hiking again, climbing higher mountains a bit more fearlessly than before. Plans for working on the cabin matter again, the forest welcomes me again, everything is as it was "before." Almost, almost. I need time to transition to life again with the fear subsiding.
A quiet place to enjoy, my front porch

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